Alena and I had another argument at the most inappropriate of times. The point of disagreement feels pointless to me. She says as a patriot of China, she will not allow anyone to bad mouth China in front of her. She believes after learning English she will potentially hear more negative messages about China, particularly from my American, Japanese and Taiwanese friends. She even said she would get physical with those who were uncultured about it.
While her sense of loyalty is admirable, the whole issue remains hypothetical. Who amongst my friends would be so insensitive as to bad mouth another person's country in front of them without making a valid point for argument, and hope to remain a friend of mine? It is not a habit of mine to befriend people who lack basic respect.
And she has the gall to fault me for refusing to participate in this hypothetical confrontation, threatening to leave if the situation ever happens and I do as I said I would—stand aside and not get involved in the politics between citizens of other countries. There are more important things to worry about. Money is needed to make ends meet for the both of us and we are seriously short of it. I am the one working while she is still looking for employment. Yet she spends her spare time creating these hypothetical scenarios and throwing them at me, then assigns the fault to me.
Tonight I shall refrain from communicating with her, neither will I tomorrow, or the rest of this week, for fear of saying words, phrases, or sentences damaging to our relationship in the heat of my anger. Silence is indeed golden, especially when my whole being is in rage and the only thing keeping it in check is my will.
The challenge of managing anger in relationships is real. When emotions run high, the temptation to lash out verbally is strong. But words spoken in anger often cause damage that takes years to heal, if they heal at all. Sometimes the wisest choice is to step back, breathe, and wait for the storm to pass.
Silence is my choice for now. Action is uncalled for. The rage however listens not to logic—it has a mind of its own. Keep it locked, lest it does unnecessary damage.
Tonight will be a sleepless night. Sleep will not come while my blood continues to boil.