Christine Brooks Science of friendship
Who in 2002 lonely predicts who dies 2008 Knows the feeling of connection Friends keep people alive as the family structure starts dying from old age Adult U - train millennial how to become grown up 21 - 35 people busy instead of making friends Millenials move in packs because they are lonely at home We are wired for interaction Healthy brain healthy body Neural plasticity - 100 million neurons can have close to infinite states Help us define ourselves, helps us know where we are in the world and saves our lives
Dunbar - 150 Remember their significant other and hometown
6 degree of Kevin bacon
3 degree of influence Friend of friend will make friend Friend of friend of friend impacts how u weigh, smoke and who u work for, mental health
Consequential strangers - don't know but bump into. Intro new concepts, weak ties. Help find job n fall in love much more frequently that people we know
Kids who have strong friendship will have big impact on adulthood independent of if they continue into adulthood
Duke university Isolated individual more than 3x likely to die of heart diseases Not number of friends but the quality of relationships reduces arterial and cortisol on blood and mental health
We choose our friendship freely
People are often evaluated for their social capital
Researchers actually still don't know how people make friends - it's a complex process Big 5 personality might be a framework but not really People rated high in agreeableness gets more friends than extraversion Openness to experience - solidarity
Best friend project 3 or more close friends = health improves Lost of a friend in that circle is impactful
Normal Friends Casual and situational Best friend Dark stuff, open none judgement, learn to work through problems with, close to us, intentional family
Friendship sometimes have a life span
Debunk myth of no friend as adult
Actionable item Finding a self awareness practice that is true to you so that u can start connecting outwards Work as a Self development Be Compassionate to self and then others Be friend to the self Befriending others, maintaining friendship is challenging Main interest in the other - no split attention Demonstrating explicit affection even when it's unexpected Showing up and not flaking out Happenstance - intentionally put yourself into circumstance where u meet like minded people, be vulnerable
Tom Rake / Gallop People who have 3 close friends at work are 3x more likely to stay there and more satisfied with life
Friendship gets established through patterns and mutual exposure Need to get renegotiated overtime to establish healthy boundaries
Book: we can't be friends Men n women can't be friends
Teaching kids on how to make friends in school
New teacher project Social and emotional learning curriculum
Science of friendship Curricular for elementary school kids
Friendship bench project
Bernay brown - living an open hearted life Unlearning shame is necessary for living in open hearted space Give yourself permission to grief over the failing of the relationship
Toxic Relationship An opportunity to learn about self Is there an opportunity to renegotiate the rules
Neediness in friendship Surface the value that drives
The more neural plasticity gets exercise the faster the tracks gets built Endocrine correlates with social network Social network size and stress level has negative correlation
Bridging people Has higher capacity to hop between hubs of friendship Takes Transitive nature of friendship exponentially Emotional intelligence research - can be learned Townsmart people - Book: Emotional intelligence 2.0
Look into Autism literature, Prejudice literature Political psychology
Structured self disclosure way very fast in making friends