I was mulling over my cup of cacao this morning, staring at the oracle reading I’d cast for the day—26, The Taming Power of the Great, and 57, The Gentle—when a new angle struck me. What if “Taming the Great” is about grappling with the enigma of love itself? And “The Gentle”—maybe it’s about noticing those rare moments when something like love manifests, which, for me, isn’t often. Before I could dig deeper, my phone buzzed with Bhavana’s impromptu Google Hangouts invite, and the day unfolded.
Wrestling with Love’s Mystery
I’ve been wrestling with what love even means. Society’s definitions—Hollywood romance, family obligations, casual “love you”s—slip through my fingers. Is it feeling? Choice? Biochemistry? Taming this “Great” feels like climbing a mountain with no map. I recall a moment at Cheetarah’s camp in Arizona. She’d texted about free boxes of lettuce from a food bank run, so I swung by to pick some up just before she was leaving for San Diego with Josh. As I was parting after grabbing the lettuce, we hugged, and she said, “Love you, Gary.” I froze, unsure how to respond. I know how she’ll react; it’s low cognitive load. Maybe that’s just “familiarity.” But love? I’m not sure.
Noticing the Gentle Moments
The Gentle might mean spotting love’s subtle appearances. The evening before Cheetarah, I heard Paul describe floods in Washington State. My eyes moistened, gut tightened—tears labeled as “sadness.” Without them, would I have called it something else? Key observation: We label sensations quickly, but are they guesses? That felt like compassion, quiet and uninvited. Such moments are rare; mostly, I’m going through motions.
Unexplained Sadness: A Morning After Paul
The morning after Paul’s story, something inexplicable happened. Post-meditation, reciting the Heart Sutra, I broke down in tears. A wave of sadness hit—where from, I had no idea. I sat in it, let it pass. As mysteriously as it arrived, it left. Was this tied to Paul’s story, or something deeper? I wonder if these untraceable emotions are what others call love.
Lingering Connections: Why Reach Out?
Folks like Sophie, Aliyah from Oregon, Fatima, my mum, and dad periodically reach out, just to connect. What drives them? I can’t grasp it. My brother only contacts for functional needs—that makes sense, clear-cut. But the others? Is it love, habit, nostalgia? I don’t always feel a matching pull.
The Void of Purpose and Love
This ties to a chat with Bhavana about homeless folks in Toronto. She’s writing a book on car-living to help them. The issue isn’t just homelessness or drugs—it’s lack of purpose. Many, especially younger men, seem sidelined by automation, societal shifts. No future, just void. If I can’t understand love—can’t feel or define it—and there’s no clear purpose, aren’t I just existing in a void too? Floating without a tether.
Perceptions That Don’t Match
I often feel I’m drifting. My cousin Johnson mentioned the “sacrifice” I’d made being away from family. I was stumped—I didn’t get it. Observing what I feel, there’s nothing there. Bhavana said today, “The world needs more like you.” I felt awkward. Why? I’m starting to wonder if I’m just an NPC—existing without deeper script or purpose.
The Void and the Surplus of Time
I’ve felt this void elsewhere—like fasting for five days a few years back. Hunger faded after day two, but the emptiness of time lingered. No food to prep, just space. Same with love, or dropping the chase for it. Once I saw romantic love as dopamine addiction, I let it go. Like fasting, I ended up with surplus time and energy. But for what?
Honors: Reflecting on Romantic Entanglements
Looking back on romantic relationships I’ve been in, I suspect I caused a lot of pain for those involved. Not knowing what love is, as time passed, I’d dissect everything—like a binary search—trying to pinpoint if their attachment was tied to something I do, own, or what. What’s the root cause of this bond? This probably frustrated them because nothing they did seemed to get through. When I think about it, I never actively pursued these entanglements; they just fell into a habit, a repetitive pattern that formed over time. I can see now how my analytical approach might’ve hurt them deeply, leaving emotional wounds I didn’t intend.
Qualia of Love: The Unknowable Taste
This reminds me of a convo with a friend about qualia—the subjective experience of something. People describe how sweet an apple tastes, but if you’ve never tasted one yourself, you don’t really know what that reference means. That’s how I feel about love. Others describe it, but I haven’t “tasted” it in a way I can grasp. It’s an unknowable quality, and I’m left observing patterns without feeling the essence.
The Risk of Being Misunderstood
A random thought—chuckles—if folks emotionally tied to me read this, they might feel upset. I’m dissecting love like a lab experiment, questioning its existence. I’m just being honest about what I feel—or don’t. Maybe that’s part of taming the “Great”—facing how these thoughts might land.
Reflections on the Oracle’s Lens
Reflections for the day:
The Taming Power of the Great feels like a quest to understand love, worth persevering through, even without answers.
The Gentle reminds me to notice fleeting moments, like tears during Paul’s story or the Heart Sutra breakdown. Maybe it’s not about taming love—just observing when it passes by.
What About You?
I’m curious—how do you define love? A cluster of sensations, or something concrete? Ever felt like you’re floating, an NPC in your story? Drop your thoughts below.