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Eternity be damned

On and off, I do join some folks for jamming sessions. Once in a while during those sessions, I do suddenly find myself caught in some songs where there were just 3 to 4 chords maximum that just kept on cycling mindlessly one after the other.

Such occasions are a real torture to the soul, most especially when you ran out of new ideas what to do over those re-current chords. The torture is especially acute when you know that there outside this 4 chords are a whole universe of chords to explore.

Lately observing the people around me that have entered the work force. It seems their daily lives are imposed strictly within the limits of those 3 to 4 metaphor chords. From an outsider’s stand point, life seemed unbearably tasteless, in a sense tortorous.

I suddenly recalled from one of my lectures in Computer security how random numbers one after the other are created. Random numbers in computing are articifically created through the segmentation of an extremely large prime number. Within the domains of the prime number, all occurances appear random. However once past the pre-specified domain, a pattern starts to appear and becomes painfully apparently

Example:

13 expressed in binary will be 1110111100110010001110

We take a section of 4 places each time at an increment of 1 place per interation

1: 1110
2: 1101
3: 1011
4: 0111
5: 1111

…

23: 1110

On iteration 24th we get 1110 which is exactly simlar to 1

What has first been interesting has started suddenly to become boring, unpredictable and uninformative (Law of Anthrophy) Each additional iteration becomes less and less significant.

Translating it back to every life, we start to live more and more like machines losing our souls to the daily toils of live all for this false sense of security, the need to modulate back to iteration 1, once all available iteration within the set has been exhausted.

Exploring the exceptions available within our limited environment, I suddenly found that though my life has been rather random thus far, it has started to modulate back unto itself. It is starting to get really boring.

The possible solutions I could think of are either to getting myself into a new environment or seriously attempting at getting myself old and senile way ahead of my time.

The first seems pretty hard, with Alena serving as the drag, chaining me to this limited set of permutations with her inherent god be damned need for security and predicability. The second seems highly impossible, considering the fact I am no from the medical field by training.

Perhaps a third then. I think I should quietly slip away once all work has been settled for the year. India looks pretty foreign and exotic a place to explore. Perhaps I should even volunteer myself to work there in one of those NGO venues. That’d be a nice change of sets.

Imagining a existance that last for eternity, where all possible permutations has be tried and exhausted, life be really tortorous that way. Thankfully, we dont live forever.

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Illogic women

Seriously, Alena is not the most logical person on earth. Was just attempting to continue my argument with her just now. The whole thing started last week when we were at the Kota Tinggi WaterFalls Resort, which ended with my sleeping out doors for the entire night with lots of mosquitoes as my bed mates.

So here went the entire flow of the argument this night.

“Look I am the most annoying person on earth”. I stated

“Yes you are.” she affirmed what I said.

“Also, we only argue and fight when we are together” I continued my exposition

“Yes it is true too.” She continued

“We are not happy together.” I stated

She didn’t reply to this.

“Since both of us are not happy together we should part. Since you do find me annoying why continue hanging around me and get annoyed. Shouldn’t you be attempting to maximize your happinese? that is what the normal thing that all humans should do. Happinese maximization.”

“Anyways, I don’t like to spend time fighting and quarrelling. I seriously have better things to do with my life, like enjoying myself and relaxing by the beach. ”

“You are so annoying. ” She finally replied

“Yes, I am. So why are you even trying to keep me around? The natural thing to do is to leave me and get some peace for yourself elsewhere. Anyways didn’t you tell me to get lost the other night? ” I asked

“Well, I told you to get lost, but just temporarily.” She declared.

“What crap is this? When I get lost, I will of course get lost forever. That is the most natural and consistant thing to do isn’t it? ”

“Why are you so annoying? ”

“Look I am annoying, in fact I am the most annoying person on this entire Earth. And I don’t want to annoy you any more. So why don’t you just let me leave and you get someone else? if it is money you want, there are tons guys out there that are richer and even more that will be willing to treat you better than I do. So why me? Then again, you are already working you should be starting to get your pay soon too. So why even bother getting a guy? You can even buy your own cigarettes nows. ” I declared.

“Who on earth is like you. Are you crazy?” she screams

“Yes, I am and I am going to retire into monkhood in Thailand next year after Chinese New Year when things gets quiet over here. If you want to you can join me but only as a nun. ”

“You are crazy! ” she said frustrated.

“Yes I am, and being a normal and rational person you should leave. It is only for your own good. ”

“No I won’t. ” she said

“Are you crazy too? Don’t waste your time on a crazy person like.”

And the whole stupid argument continues. How come it is never possible to convince her that it is only for her own better good that she leaves me alone and seek out someone else.

Damn it. What I truly want is just some peace and quiet. Here I am instead as if stuck with a tenacious chewing gum that refuses to get off my shoes, irregardless of how hard I try to ply it off.

Perhaps I should attempt at another method to convince her that being annoyed, quarrelled and fought by me is not the best way to live life.

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Every one has something to say – use a blog!

Recently I met a religio while on the bus on my way home. She took my contact number and started sending me lots of religious messages. Being a free thinker, most of these messages just came into my phone and went into the trash folder. It was just too long to read over an SMS. and I hate longs SMS s over the phone.

Then it occurred to me, I thought hey all these efforts by her should not be going to waste. so what happens immediately after that was that I set up a blog for her at adonis.name1price.com for her to send her message out to the world.

Now, my phone avoids getting overloaded with mesages not related to my essential day to day operations and at the same time she gains access to the whole world’s audience. And the whole world’s audiences may finally get themselves some salvation if indeed they are looking for some.

Who knows she with her vigor might just turn out to be the next Anthony Robbins or Robert Kiyosaki!

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The world is turning topsy turvy

I climbed to the top of bus 197 feeling exhausted, having walked for 6hours straight from City Hall to Marine Parade and back to Kallang. I was in my kampong attire (my shorts, slippers and singlet) an attire I normally would be in when I want to be really comfortable and casual.

I sat occupying two places on the seats as usual owing to my size and built. Across me on the other side of the bus was this guy probably in his late twenties well groomed, dressed fashionably, eyeing me in the most funny of ways. I met his stare head on for a while, thinking it at first to be a normal challenge between males. I ignored him thereafter. That stare was not even in the realms of anger provoking, it was just plain weird. I looked out of the bus through the windows on my side. Losing interest I looked back to the floor of bus on the other side, spacing out. Resting my body and mind.

It was then that I notice the most crazy of things. He obviously knew he was in my line of vision, despite my obvious spacing out, so he started rubbing his crouch and then followed the action by rubbing his nipples. Despite the fact these actions were out of sight of those sitting behind and those infront, it was so blatant. What the Fuck!?!

This guy is obviously trying attempting to fornicate himself in front of me, just to gain my attention. He then tried making eye contact with me, I rolled my eye balls and looked away feeling really disgusted. Finally, god have mercy, he dropped off at the bus stop beside Bugis Junction. Off to meet his gay buddies perhaps.

Bloody maniacs, why can’t they stick to girls? Nowadays it seems more and more of guys are targeting guys, losing interest in boobs and discovering new-found hobbies with dicks. And it seems the same is true for girls as well. Singapore is turning Gay and Lesbo alrite. Personally I have nothing against anyone’s sexual preferences, just please mind you, keep your harassments away from me.

And this, apparently is not the first episode of its kind that I encountered in public. Let’s see…

Once at China Town area, I was looking for a new office space and then I was bloody stalked by this well built and dressed hunk, first on the streets, then around in the shopping center for a full 15mins. It was not until through the use of my wit, I came up with a strategy that gave him the slip.

The other time I was standing in the queue in front of the POSB atm in bras basah complex, and there was this well built guy in his forties dressed in body hugging jeans, singlet and a dangling cross for a ear ring, who first walked past in front of the queue, and then came back a second time and then a third time. Finally managing to make eye contact with me the third, he wriggled with eye brow and smile that lecherous smile of his before disappearing around the corner. Fuck! Is that supposed to be a tactic to lead someone on? No wonder he failed so terribly with the opposite and had to finally resort to preying on the same sex.

The final and most crazy time happened during a evening. After much partying at club Double O with the rest of the guys, I started feeling hungry. I left the rest of the folks and started walking alone towards Maxwell market for supper. I was craving for the porridge they sold there. Apparently I took this alittle alley that past through Ann Xiang Hill, behind the rolls of shop houses, which was supposed to be a short cut. On the other side coming down the stairs well was this well built guy, tall rather well groomed too. One look from him and I knew there might be some trouble.

He soon joined me on the alley, walking by my side. I ignored his presence. He seemed drunk. He tried starting a conversation. I patronized him a little. And then he decided to lean in to get flesh. Bloody bastard, I could have killed there and then, had I not restrained myself. This is after all the 21st century, where the use of diplomacy is more desirable then all out warfare.

“Perhaps you are going for the wrong target. I think you should head into that pub over there. It will definitely be much better for your health.” I said pointing at the entrance of a pub we were approaching. But obviously if my recollections were not wrong, that pub was still the wrong pub for him. It was normally populated by Filippino working girls whose normal clientele are middle to old aged local Chinese men or old foreign white men, not young good looking chap only interested in dicks. This hybrid of a specimen I have walking beside me obviously has wandered way out of range of his species’ normal haunts; clubs like Play, Taboo and Tantric which were supposed to be further down the Tanjong Pagar stretch but not here.

Damned, and I thought getting myself a crew cut for a hair style and to dress down when not required would reduce the level of my presence on such radars. Apparently not!

Hmmm.. there must apparently be something seriously wrong that I am doing unkowingly, time to head back to the drawing tables to rework my game plan.

Thinking about it while I was out with Jayan last night, he did mention Aware the women’s assocation in Singapore is attempting to come up a petition to ban gays in Singapore. While I personally dislike being harassed, I do not think such a petition is going to be of much effect other than driving this alternative crowd activity under ground.

Moreover, being a great believer in Voltair’s philospohy, liberty and freedom of choice for the individuals must be and should be protected from the tyranny of the state. Furthermore considering the kind of state we have with us, all the more we should double effort.

Curing the symptom aids not in curing the source of the problem sometimes, and I believe it is true in this case. What then might be the cause of this phenomenon? Local men losing their manhood, while local women increasingly losing their pool of potential local mates to other local men or the existing pool of foreign women in Singapore.

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Silence!

Nice! Alena is once again up to her emotional non-sense and at the most inappropriate of times. The point for argument is so stupid. She says she being a patriot of China will not allow anyone to bad mouth China in front of her. She believes after her learning of English she will potentially get to hear more negative messages about China spoken in English, basically from those among my friends who are Americans, Japanese and Taiwanese. (Nationalities of whom countries have conflicts of interest with China) Further emphasizing she will even have no qualms against getting physical with those of the less cultured and uncouth category.

While her sense of loyalty is amicable, the whole issue remains pointless. Who amongst my friends would be so insensitive and brainless as to bad mouth another individuals’ country in front of him without stating a valid point for argument, and hope to remain a friend of mine. It is not a habit of mine wasting my time befriending brainless fools.

And she has the gall to fault me for withholding to part take in this nonsensical venture of her’s, threatening once against to leave if the situation ever happens and I did as I said I would (to stand aside and not get involved in the politics and affairs between citizens of other countries). There are more important things to worry about. Money is needed to make ends meet for the both of us and we are seriously short of it. Interestingly, I am the one doing work while she is doing the free riding. What right does she have spending her spare effort and free time creating such nonsense and throwing it at me, thereafter assigning the fault unto me. That FOOL!

Tonight I shall refrain from communicating to her, neither will I tomorrow, or the rest of this week, for fear of spouting any words, phrases, sentences damaging to our relationship in the heat of my anger. Silence! is indeed golden, ever more so when my whole being is so in rage and the only thing keeping it in check is but my will.

Women, they have it easy. They can bitch all want about anything, anywhere, anytime, suffering not any consequences. It is their right to bitch. Society has given them a valid license to bitch.

Men! to be men is not easy. Any verbal expressions backed by neither reason, nor logical, but purely emotions is frowned upon by society. They will be considered weak, thus exposing themselves to attacks and assults from those around them. They die really fast that way. For men the only retreat then is silence and the only way forward is action.

Silence is my choice for the day. Action is uncalled for. The rage however listens not to logic, it has a mind of its own. Keep it locked. Lest it does unnecessary damage.

Thus explained is the main reason of the ten years life expectancy differences between a male human and a female human. Females are not compelled by society to keep their non-sense pent up within. They have every right to voice it out however illogical and nonsensical it is, and fault the opposing party for not seeing her logic, or ill-logic. Men being men has no choice but to do otherwise. This rage is like a silent time bomb, it is not good for health.

Tonight will be a sleepless night. Sleep will not come while my blood continues to boil. Damn that BITCH!

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The roller coaster ride continues…

Alena must be fast asleep somewhere up in the north at the moment, considering the fact that we are in the same time zone. Obliged to her request, I refrained from texting her at night. She hates that.

She is a day person, her environment is as such, not much happens for her after the sunsets in Shandong, whereas my day just starts when the sun finally sets. Deep in the night is when I am at my most active, when most of my brain work is done.

My dad just woke up to feed the cat, it was unnecessary, there was still lots of cat food in the bowl. My mom will be heading to the hospital in the morning to have her womb removed. My brother back to work, but it seems he will be heading off to Germany for training for a month come this Friday. Boy I am looking forward to one month of free space.

I love the nights when everyone at home is asleep. It felt like I owned the entire place, all the space I needed. Perhaps that is why I choose to spend most of my day time sleeping nowadays and my night time up and working. Perhaps in the future when I own my own apartment it might become different, but till then, I believe my nocturnal habit will persist.

Just last night I got dragged down by one of my buddies into one of the new clubs in town. It was a fresh concept. How does it go about… Imagine the thai disco concept, where there is a band is on stage and the audiences show their appreciation for the band or the singer by buying them sashes or flowers each of which the performer could later exchange for its equivalent value in terms of cash. Well take away the thais and their bands and replace them with Male Singaporean Singers, that is what this new club is about, Singaporean male as singing entertainers on stage.

Bazaar really, but pretty entertaining. Here we have a group of guys whom mostly has received little or no vocal training performing on stage and there we have a mixed group of audience but pre-dominantly Singaporean females in their late twenties to early thirties dumping sashes and flowers on these former group of guys. Suddenly the reality I pre-supposed became topsy turvy.

Being disinclined towards singing any canto or mando pop songs, I mostly spent my time table hoping and chatting up the crowd, spending time on any willing poor soul to convince him or her of the fact I am some illegal Mongolia immigrant who just happened to be in Singapore before wandering off to the next place.

Since the premise was false, I might as well capitalized on the occasion and experiment with how far fetched my imaginations could be and at the same time convince the next guy beside me it was the truth. I am afraid after a whole night’s experiment, people are more gullible than we admit ourselves to be.

Thankfully god had mercy on them, on and off I was dragged off stage to stand around while the guys sang their number, or just to do my usual dance gig with my bros.

Now one thing which I observed that really interested me was that it seemed common for the more popular males singers to be constantly being cuddled up against by their female fans. Having had the chance to converse and study these female clienteles, I realized more than half of them were attached with boyfriends, fiancees or husbands during their daily lives. So why this then, women paying money for affection from someone else outside their partnership? Are they not supposed to be the more emotionally attached part of the human species? Apparently not I think.

Well to be fair and speaking for both sides of the fences, what about the Geylang then, the re-known red light district for the main stream crowd, the guys. Obliged to do research online into this uber underground part of the Singaporean scene recently, I dare bet that more than half of these visitors were married with a wife or attached with a girlfriend or fiancee.

Perhaps then the whole notion of marriage as an institution, holy in the kingdom of god is a sham after all, something to be paid lip service to when remembered, a yet undischarged relic unyet left behind by society, a false front to at least maintain some resemblance of order amidst what is truly an anarchical state of chaos that is the human society today.

Seriously I have no clearer idea on what is to come as compared to the next person beside me. The only answer I arrived upon is that a certificate signed between two parties at the local registry of marriage is not much of a gaureentee on the level of bliss one experiences in life to come thereafter. One does really have to resign oneself to the fact that there is always a chance the whole thing not work out and one cannot but continue on one’s path in life alone no matter how hard one tried. With that said, perhaps it is time too that I attempted this path myself. Yes, it might indeed be the most adverse and most challenging of times with the economic crisis, the swine flu and my most recent time bomb encountered to attempt something on such a major magnitude. If it is destined to fail, so be it. Better to get it done and over with really fast and continue on with my life than to hestitate and go around in circles undecided, wasting my constantly dwindling time in this reality in the process. Life is calling, what is left in the top portion of the sand in the hourglass flows downward irregardless.