Suddenly, it felt as though the world around me is spinning at a faster and faster pace. Strangely, I felt increasingly detached to all these occurrences happening around me.
No longer is my cat able to stir any sense of annoyance in me when he cries out loud to be let out in the middle of the night. No longer do I get annoyed when my train of thought gets disrupted when some one around attempts to get my attention while I am in the midst of work. Perhaps what truly changed in me was the sudden disappearance of this mysterious sense of mission that had been prodding me along for the past two years.
In retrospection, it was truly curious how it came about.
This afternoon, I took for myself a break while in the midst of drafting up a report of my findings from my survey of the staff nurses in Tan Tock Seng Hospital. I sat for 30 mintues in front of my Clavinova keyboard doodling away enjoying the disharmonic notes that were coming forth from the keyboards.
I unconsciously recalled of a time back in New Zealand, then I was sitting in the studio staring out of the window into the streets above under the gloomy skies.
I was suddenly affected by a tinge of sadness. What happened to those people from back then. It was like our paths diverged somewhere along the way and never ever crossed again, with the exception of a few.
Mansu finally got himself into Singapore for a business trip. We were out drinking last night. It felt as though it was just last week when I parted with him in Seoul. How strange the concept of time can be sometimes.
Suddenly I started laughing to myself, I remembered one phrase I plucked off hand from somewhere in the cosmos and threw to the crowd during one of my conversations.
“How do you relieve your stress? ” some one ever asked me then.
“Just start relaxing and some one else will start feeling the stress instead” I replied.
We laughed not because it was nonsense but because, as with all jokes that are ever really humorous, it carries a grain of truth in it.
Stress is truly something perceived and an illusion like life itself. Try as we might, the earth will still hurtle through the universe at break speed with us on it. Try as we might, it is still inevitable we continue falling through this abyss called life.
Many calls to action, but most of them a waste of effort. It is for the best to just respond to those that really matter.
Lately I started harboring deeply this notion that to work is to devote time to art and inspiration. To devote effort for monetary profits or out of fear is in essence not truly work, it falls more under the category of slavery a laborious task indeed.
If my interpretations are sound and correct, wouldn’t it be true then that there are more slaves than free man amongst us human nowadays. Nice! Modern as it may seem we are once again in the feudal age.