“Sure, no problem, I will do it for free…” thanks to my Chinese upbringing is one of the usual responses I would give with a smile when asked to do something for free. However to blame is the very same Chinese upbringing for my omission of the second part of my response “…when I am free and when I feel like it. However if you absolutely must have it, please pay the price then.”
This phrase Alena said a long time ago still etches deeply in my mind ” to be Chinese is be somewhat hypocrite.” We never really do say what we mean or mean what we say but we really do expect the opposite party to understand what we mean and misjudge not the meaning by what we say. Conversation is thus very contextual. To a person from a culture where conversation happens on a more contextually independent level, the Chinese thus comes across as as a race that is highly deceitful and untrustworthy one. A person who truly understands the rules of the game in this part of the world would in fact come to appreciate this “face saving” gesture given in response to a seemingly unruly request, thereafter depending on the quality of his upbringing resolve this is conflict in disguise with a more appropriate offer.
Of course there always exist the odd one out whom despite, being born and raised in this highly contextual culture, choose to ignore the social norms and push ahead mindlessly/greedily his own personal agenda. Such fools are usually the ones who end up with a bad reputation, smiled at by most but ostracized by all.
Much as I hate it, and usually function out of this mode when I am in the other parts of the word, this practice has became so deeply etched in me, it is hard to discard when I get back to this parts of the world. A typical example could be seen from how my dad treats the helpers for his stall.
There is helper A whom when free would drop by in the stall to help out. My dad would insist of treating him to breakfast, as well as passing him some money and left over goods from the stall after the stall closes for the day, despite helper A’s insistence that he does not want anything in return. Harmony is maintained and bonds are strengthened.
There is helper B who draws a salary, is alway late for work, slow in action and consumes more goods than he should from the stall during working hours than he should. He finally crossed the line when a few hundred dollars went missing from the cashier counter during one Chinese New Year. Dad finally let Helper B go thereafter saying business was not too good and he could not afford the continued hiring of a full time help. Grace is saved, however relationship has broken down beyond repair. It need not be mentioned by due to his natural disposition, he has been avoided much by people from his social circle.