This afternoon while I was putting together the final pieces of Poise.sg, I was suddenly inflicted by a bout of self doubt. Not wanting this negative pyschological state to affect the quality of my work, I decided to take a break for the day and instead do some skate boarding.
While on my skate boarding travelling up Bukit Timah road, I meditated upon this phenomena. Strange, I thought I should have been beyond this physchological weakness by now. Nevertheless, since this phase of self doubt rared its head as it did, it was good to dig further into it and understand the cause.
It suddenly rained when I arrived on the opposite of the road from Ngee Ang Polytechnic. I decided to seek shelter under the bus stop to wait out the down pour. The shelter was in fact not much of a shelter. As the wind blew more rain water my way, I was starting to feel really drench.
It was refreshing. Mother nature, my favourite girl, understood my needs and gave me some spiritual cleansing. She never fails always to remind me how insignificant I am compared to the rest of the universe. From this point of view, any failures I might encouter is not really a failure at all. It is but a mere speck of dust in this entire cosmic universe easily swiped away. It was then I suddenly remembered this other travelling companion of mine, Death.
With my inner eye I took a glance behind me. Sure enough, there he was just a few steps behind me, busy toying around with his scythe. This trick he does with his scythe must be a new one. I have never seen him play with it that way before. His face as usual was hidden under the hood. He think he looks cool and mysterious that. Once in a while, with his hood drawn too far down over his face such that it blocks his line of sight, he bumps into the lamp post. Most from the world of living would fear him for the duties God ordains he carry out, I do find him to be quite an entertaining a companion for the road though. His humour is always somewhat ironic.
He must have noticed me looking his way, for he finally stopped the bazzaire twirling of his scythe.
“Is something the matter?” he asked genuinely curious. The sunlight glinted dangerous on the sharp edges of his scythe.
“No but yes. I am contemplating the reason for this self-doubt which unknowingly crept into my psyche this afternoon.”
“Oh I see. Your time is not up yet, so it is nothing to worry about. Must be Lucifer playing some tricks on you with his cosmic mist. ”
“Damned! You caught me red handed! ”
I turned my inner eye to the source of the voice and saw old man red. Two horns were sticking out from his fore head and a long goatie growing from his chin.
“See… I told you so.” Death stated non-chalant and went back to toying around with his scythe again.
“Thank you my friend. ” Good man Death is always so reliable when it comes to pointing the way to the absolute when one becomes momentarily distracted all the cosmic flux, not that Lucifer always curious about new knowledge and always experimenting to find more uses for the cosmic mist around us helped.
“And Lucifer my friend, you with the two horns, I am running short of time. You almost nearly got me distracted there for a moment. Enough with the cosmic powder experimental of yours now, I have got things to do.”
“Alrite, ” he replied somewhat subdued, for the time being at least, and once again took his place to my left. Death, as usual happily playing with his scythe took his position on my right. We continued along my path. Mother nature had her duties to perform and bid us farewell till we meet again.
This cosmic mist that Lucifer so much likes to play with seems somewhat dangerous. I think quite a few from the world of the living have in fact took the images portrayed in these mist as real. In the process, they gave up their dreams and surrendered their souls to something that was not even real. This non-sense is utterly crazy.