Turning 27, what a dark one.

The midnight of August 18th 2009 came and went. Thus I arrived at the age of 27. It was a least impressionable way to age. I sat in front of my computer typing away on my keyboard working on a few projects I have been contracted to complete.

Danger was put at bay for a while. There was a moment of breather. Till I finish these batch of projects, I could put off project hunting as well as the ever dwindling cash flow problem. Come November if all went well Alena should be working in some restaurants and my financial pressure would have greatly eased. Meanwhile the only thing I could do was thread with care with all my financial dealings.

All at home was a sleep. I decided to step out for some fresh air which I did. My cat sat on the ledge just outside my apartment. Seeing the way he acknowledges my presences almost leads me to believe he was somewhat sentient.

Suddenyl I recalled my conversation with Pasha the other night. It was popular in Russia during medieval times for all to gather to witness the execution of prisioners. When the knife went down, the head and body would be separated. Both would be alife for a while before life drips away from them.

I wonder what it feels like to have your head decapitated from your body, your demise definitely assured, with no way for you to negotiate your way out of this deal. Perhaps Fear, perhaps anger, perhaps regret and then perhaps prior to the very last moments before the curtain draws to a close and darkness descends resignation. Perhaps then nothing.

Then what about the body, what thoughts actually go through it during the period it is separated from the head? That we will never understand as well.

Suppose the body does indeed have thoughts of its own during the period of separation, it does raise for me this very very disturbing question. Which part of our body is really an essential core to ourself then?

Suppose we define that which is our absolute core as the part with which we could feel with our nerves. Then in the case whereby the nerves gets servered would not that part seize to be part of our property then?

If you cut yourself and start to bleed, is the blood that escapes from your wound still yours.

Worse yet what about you being in a deep state of sleep? It is obvious you will not feel your body while you are in the ERM stage isn’t it?

What then about life science? Suppose you lost a drop of blood and it got cloned into a whole new you, one which you could not feel naturally as an extension of yourself. Is that still you?

It cant be you, it is a him. So perhaps when you have lost control of your own body through death, then isnt that body a him as well?

What then is the definition of a you?

It was some very dark thoughts indeed for a 27, right before the start of the 7th Lunar month too. The infamous Ghost Festival